.five.

Today is our fifth wedding anniversary. From the moment that I met Jeremiah, I was absolutely smitten with him. We've had a long, hard road in the 9.5 years that we've been together. I have had this on my heart for a while to write about and in light of our anniversary today, it's no better day than to tell our story. This story is an all the glory goes to God story. Nothing we have done has brought us to today. It is all of God's perfect planning that we made it. It's nothing short of amazing, our story and here it is.

On the day of our wedding, and probably for a year before that, something didn't feel right about our relationship. But I went through with it because my parents' had shelled out a lot of money, I had gone through a lot of meticulous planning, and I felt like I had to because we had been together for 4.5 years. And to be honest, divorce was always a later option in my mind. It always makes me so sad to admit that was my train of thought.

After we celebrated our first anniversary, we bought our house. I thought maybe that would fix our relationship and make us have the marriage I'd always dreamed about. It didn't. After Jeremiah got fired from a brand new job, he finally confessed that he was addicted to drugs and he needed serious help to stop.

I was completely blindsided. I was numb. I was devastated.

After thinking about our history and putting together pieces, I could completely see the signs of addiction. I didn't know what to do but kick him out of our home, so that's what I did. I had never felt so alone in all my life. The person that I thought I should know the best, turned out to be a person who I didn't really know at all. I can remember not being able to sleep one night so I went down to the gazebo on the riverwalk, where we got married. I watched the sun come up and I just cried out to God, pouring my heart out, begging him to please tell me what to do. I have been a Christian for a long time, but I think that night, at my most broken, I could hear Him the loudest. I told God that I didn't know if I could ever forgive Jeremiah for the pain he'd caused me, let alone trust him again. I truly felt God telling me, with that new sunrise, that every day is a new one, and people and relationships can be new through Him too. So I decided to trust God and stick by my husband's side.

Don't get me wrong, it wasn't as easy as just saying the words out loud. Jeremiah went to rehab. Got out. Relapsed. Went back to rehab. The second time clicked for him and by the grace of God, he has been in recovery for 4 years, come November 1st. But the wreckage of our marriage wasn't just his fault. As much as he was addicted to drugs, I was addicted to myself....selfish thoughts, actions and words. I was no easy person to call a wife. We both hurt each other immensely with words and those aren't easy things to retract. We had gone through therapy before I knew about the addiction but it really didn't help because Jeremiah was dealing with a secret addiction on his own. This time we talked to the counselors at the rehab and did some work on our own with some Christian marriage seminars. But mostly we talked to each other, prayed with each other and for each other and just let God work through us. I also went to Al-anon meetings for families and bought some of their books for me to read and work through my own issues. That's when I realized what an awful person I had been. I know I'm still not perfect today, but I'm a work in progress!

Jeremiah accepted Jesus as his Savior while he was in rehab. He has turned into the husband that I never thought I would have. He loves me unconditionally and is so thoughtful and caring. He is the father to Presley that I could have only dreamed about. And I can honestly say that we would not have made it without God. I would have thrown in the towel on our marriage and Jeremiah might still be in active addiction.

So whatever you might be facing, life-changing or quite small, I encourage you to listen and trust God. He sees the bigger picture and He weaves the details of our life perfectly.

Oh yeah and HAPPY ANNIVERSARY Baby! I love you!